This week there was another newspaper article about the battle between breast feeders and bottle feeders. The article wasn’t about which approach is best but the fact that the two sides just can’t get along. It’s hardly surprising they are apparently locked in a bitter civil war if the article’s characterisations are correct.
Breast Feeding Mums were painted as elitist parenting snobs bolstering their egos by reducing poor Formula Feeders to tears with tales of how their baby will inevitably develop life limiting health problems. Formula Feeders are both selfish and guilt ridden (an interesting combo) and so distraught about their choice to give formula (obviously just to allow them to party all night) that the sight of a baby being breast-fed can send them over the edge.
How ridiculous! Of course there are a few very vocal people on both sides of the argument but surely most of us have a more ‘live and let live’ approach. There used to be an important debate about the emerging evidence around the impact of our feeding choices. Now everyone has heard the arguments and made their decisions there’s not much left to say. But we still need to sell newspapers, right? So instead they go in for a bit of mummy baiting, ‘helpfully’ letting each side know what the other has been saying about them (like a manipulative teenage girl) just to wind everyone up. It’s all just a cynical attempt to generate traffic.
Like most mothers, I gave a lot of thought to how I would feed my kids and made a decision that I’m happy with. Obviously, I think my way is the best because it works for me but that doesn’t affect the way I feel about other mother’s feeding choices. I don’t feel superior to people who have made different choices or threatened by them. In fact, I honestly couldn’t care less how you feed your baby and if you have time to worry about what I’m doing then parenting clearly isn’t keeping you as busy as it is me.
So what should we do about these attempts to get us all wound up? What would our Mums have said when we were kids? ‘Just ignore them’, ‘Don’t let them get to you’, ‘Don’t give them the satisfaction’, ‘They’re only doing it for attention’. So next time you feel you’re being unfairly judged for formula feeding or that someone isn’t appreciating the hard work you’ve put into breast feeding don’t let these comment hungry journalists suck you into an argument. Have a look at your happy healthy kids and feel a little bit smug that whatever you’ve done has obviously work fine and you don’t have to justify it to anyone.
Or I guess you could always blog about it…
Yellow Days 
Well put. The media drive me nuts putting mothers into warring camps. Breast v bottle, SAHM v working mum etc etc. It also comes up a lot on forums such as Netmums and my oh my it gets very bitchy and defensive sometimes. It would be nice to make our choices as mothers and not feel in competition with every mother we see. The media need to stop stirring us up as well. Good post Cat x
I do think the anonymity of the internet doesn’t always bring out the best in people.
Drives me nuts too. I’ve never actually met anyone in real life who’s criticised my decision one way or another – it’s only on forums people seem to bait each other/fall for the wind-up.
I fed my baby by lobbing water balloons full of warm milky water into her face. Sure, most of it splashed onto her clothes, and she was hungry for most of the time, but it was MY choice and I wanted to go and party every single night!
Good post, Cat, you say what we’re all thinking 🙂 X
I have to say, the whole “breast is best” thing is up for serious debate in my house at the moment. My premie boy was born with a tongue tie so after countless attempts to latch on I decided to pump. 7-8 times aday no less, double mastitis still didn’t stop me because I wanted to protect my son from “ear infectionss blah blah blah. He has just gotten over his 4th ear infection in the last 9 weeks, so i am so tempted to tell Midwives/HV where to shove the Breast feeding next time. Sometimes mother physically can’t breast feed and they shouldn’t be made to feel like they’re a bad mother for it. I think whatever is best for you works, happy mammy= happy baby
Lovely post! The pressure put on women to breastfeed really gets to me. I’ve seen so many women feel inadequate because for whatever reason they could not, or chose not to, breast feed their baby. It’s as if formula milk is poison, the way some people seem to talk about it. Equally, I hear of breastfeeding mothers being told ‘just give them a bottle’ etc. But to me it just seems like a waste of everybody’s time. There are pros and cons to both feeding methods, and mothers will pick whatever works for them and their family. Not sure why anybody else cares to pop their nose in. I suppose it is as you say, they need to sell papers, don’t they? A lot of media seems to be about getting people riled up and causing controversy. Whatever happened to actual news?
I think we should all be super selfish and do what the hell feels best for us and our baby. In fact I think it should be illegal to talk to anyone other than a supportive friend for the first six months of being a mother. At every turn there is a chance to do something wrong, and so we should stay cocooned in our families, doing what feels best 🙂
I don’t care either! I formula-fed (much to my MIL’s disgust) and am so much happier for it. I was a bit worried about coming back to Nigeria – they are VERY VERY pro breastfeeding here. I did have to endure a few lectures by colleagues and tuts and eye rolls from nurses – but I was able to (eventually) get over it and stop getting irritated by everyone’s opinions. We all have to do what’s best for us and our babies.
Good post. Media articles suck. Its what’s best for mummy and baby and everyone else can f**k off – if mums happy baby usually is as well. I was formula fed and I’m okay …….
Excellent post fair lady! The media is responsible for both sides of this nightmare. There could be far better PR ways to promote breastfeeding other than “If you choose to move on from breastfeeding…” I am one of those mums who has PTBFD (Post-Traumatic-Breast-Feeding-Disorder) and still get twitchy at the thought of it. But I need to do what’s best for me in spite of all of the pressure that the NHS, WHO and frickin’ media place on us. As if we didn’t have enough to deal with having given birth to a baby! Let’s start a campaign! I nominate you as our leader! 😉
Karin @ Cafe Bebe
Oh this is such a sensible post. I agree, there is no war at all.
great post, I bottle fed two and breast fed one – they are all quite lovely,
My only disappointment in breastfeeding is that it is never really shared about how hard it is and the boobs dont have a marketing budget so formula is always given more press. perhaps if more time is spent before birth pre warning about mastitis and thrush and cracked nipples us mums would start out breatfeeding journey with our eyes wide open.
I remember at 6 weeks with my youngest child feeding from a cracked nipple asking a health visitor if it got easier – she responded she didnt know as she had never breast fed but she would hope so. It did get easier and I am glad I stuck at it but not through any help of the medical service sadly.
So I agree either works, it is personal choice but as a country we also need better education.
Jane x
I totally agree. I do what’s best for me and my children, and I really haven’t got time to worry about what others are doing!
Oh you are so right! I guess an article of women supporting each other and and understanding and respecting am others choices just doesn’t make ‘good news’. Daft !
You’re absolutely right. I don’t think it matters either. People probably think I’m a militant breastfeeder because I am still feeding my girl at almost 9 months and if anyone suggests formula I get a bit tetchy but, thats not because I don’t like or agree with formula. It’s because I formula fed my son and challenged myself to feed my little girl until she was one as I was able to establish feeding with her. I’m stubborn so I have stuck with it and tried every trick in the book to make it easy and practical for us both.
I certainly wouldn’t push my opinions on others and even if I did I don’t have one, my son is perfectly healthy and solid as is my daughter so I’m happy either way! 🙂
Hello, my name is Tania and I was bottle fed 30 years ago… Like you care?! Whenever I hear people stressing over this I always say the same thing, in months time people have moved on and are worrying about something else. It’s not worth the worry – do what is best for you and your family and who cares what others think!
Well said! At the end of the day Mum knows best for HER baby not everyone’s baby.
As Mums we should support each other in the decisions we make & not criticise.
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